You can only continue a round of self-betraying behavior, if you think you’re going to get something different from that next cycle. All addictions are self-betrayal. Defining yourself as an object is self-betrayal.
The greatest fear is not defining yourself at all. When you get close to not defining yourself in any manner, the greatest fear is that you will not exist. It is a strong, deep, fear that all the conditioning is attached to, if you stop, then you will not exist! And it is true, if you stop defining yourself, you do exist, and yet not as any definition. You exist as who you are, undefinable, undeniable; infinite consciousness.
Resistance to a teaching is not resistance to the teacher, it is resistance to yourself. It is a fear of giving up the self-doubt, a type of childish behavior, an aspect of a self definition. Because the self-doubt is a long time companion, it is a tyrant and yet it has kept you in line, it has kept you from being too arrogant, or a megalomaniac. You’ve seen the actions of megalomaniacs in history and there is a fear of that behavior. There is a personal recognition of a talent for that behavior, an affinity for that behavior. This is all part of the human makeup, the innate human aggression, a genetic survival strategy.
There must be a willingness to give up the self-doubt, and the aggression. There must be a willingness to stop resisting yourself, however that has taken form uniquely for you. There must be a willingness to give up the self-doubt so that if there is a delusion in place, running you, it can be seen, whether it be self-hatred or hatred for others. Whatever it is, it can then be seen as you! At the core, it is you who creates it all. If you think it is someone else that is wrong, it will be seen at your core, it is you who is wrong. Whatever you see as wrong in others, is where you must make the correction in yourself.
This is the challenge, to turn on the observer, and then own all of this. In this owning, megalomania may appear. It is not to be unexpected. Hopelessness, powerlessness, sadness, whatever is being hidden will appear, it is only in the owning that it can be seen. Whatever is seen, it is seen for the suffering that it is, the absurdity that it is, you stop, and the suffering is no longer followed as a practice. Whatever is not seen, is practiced and followed unconsciously, subconsciously. Suffering must be practiced. Anything you do to avoid suffering is a practice that will bring on more of the same. Left unseen we have this inner battle, a play between self-doubt and arrogance, ego and super-ego, and deeper than all of that, closer than that is the truth. The truth is closer than any suffering or self-definition. I invite you to stop suffering.
The truth requires no practice. In all traditions, this teaching was kept secret until you had proven that you were not a megalomaniac, and that you had a certain level of maturity. This information requires a high level of responsibility, as this can be used as a medicine or a poison. Whatever you are thinking, it is either ego or superego. The truth is closer than any thought. The invitation is to recognize yourself as the truth. And then recognizing the lies as they appear against this background of inner truth, the temptations as they appear, the elaborate explanations and justifications for the temptations as they appear; now with the capacity to choose the truth. When the binding to the story around resisting the truth and seeking the truth is cut, then there is an opening, there is freedom, happiness, infinite open space. Happiness cannot be practiced, it is your innate condition. You must be willing to face the fear of your ego disappearing in the stopping of the self-definition, in order to experience the freedom of your true nature and true self.